Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Habaneros

So, I've heard that Habaneros are hot. I didn't really believe it, but I heard it. I just figured somewhere around the spiciness of a Jalapeno, maybe a little hotter. Meh.

It turns out, that on the Scoville Scale Jalapenos are ranked at number 4 on the list with between 2500 and 8000 heat units, or whatever they call it, I guess it's SR according to the world's most reliable online encyclopedia (sarcasm /off) wikipedia.org. Conversely bell peppers are ranked at 0 with 0 SR. What I didn't know yesterday, is that Habaneros rank in at 8 with between 100,000 and 350,000 SR. So, at the maximum of around 40 times hotter than a Jalapeno. In terms of scale alone there are only two peppers hotter than the Habanero.

So, yesterday, my roommate wanted to make some spicy sauce and bought a few of them along with a selection of other peppers. He was also nice enough to save a habanero for me, since I was curious and kind of wanted to try one.

Was I in for a treat!

Here's the story, as accurate as I can remember, and undoctored despite my embarrassment:

Habaneros are little, balbous and orange. I think it might be to disuade you from eating them. In any case, when my roommate was done making his homemade death sauce, he handed me the pepper, and I, being the cautious soul that I am, nibbled the bottom corner of the pepper. Heh, not bad, I thought. Kind of sweet, tastes a little like a bell pepper. Not hot in the slightest. I took another bite, bigger this time, and still no spiciness. I figured I was home free, so I took an even larger bite on top of one of the others. Little did I know, that the actual hotness isn't in the fruit of the pepper, but in the seeds and the meat in the chamber inside. This bite contained just a tiny amount of that ribbing, though I can't be sure if there was a seed in there.

Seconds later I felt my lips go a mysterious numb, and then the heat got rapidly turned up from a balmy, yet comfortable room temperature to a close approximation to the surface of the sun, and no, it was not done yet. Exactly .03 seconds later the heat had proceeded from my lips to the little hanging ball at the end of my throat, commonly known as the Uvula. Beyond that the reaction was pretty immediate, and I entered panic mode. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be tasting besides pain and I just started running around the kitchen screaming about the heat, to which my roommates started laughing, hysterically. Instics drove me to the fridge and I pulled out all of my roommates' milk to find my gallon, anxiously awaiting a purpose in the back of the fridge and right from the container I had to have downed at least a quarter, and much to my panic, it had done nothing for me.

Amidst the tears of laughter my two roommates scramble for some sugar water while I run to the door and fling it open, for what purpose I don't yet know. I stood on our porch and started sucking in the cool post winter air in long, very loud gasps, to which my neighbors all found hilarious. I run back into the apartment and start trying to work the little twisty tie on the bread, but keep tying it tighter rather than opening it. Finally after what seemed like hours my roommates finish stirring the sugar water and I start to down it. I swish that stuff around like listerine and for a few seconds clarity returns and I can no longer feel the pain. In the garbage is all that remains of the pepper, and on the floor are partially chewed up pepper bits.

After about 10, or 20 good minutes and half a gallon of sugar water normal functions returned in my mouth and my roommates stopped laughing.

Habaneros are hot. Unless you're really bored, just ignore the urge to try one.

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